I am sick and tired of you sending me letters that only contain links to awful quizzes and unnecessary facts about when your were established. This tells me nothing about the type of student that goes there. Every single letter I get talks about how your students are challenged, hard-working, and oh-so-successful. Well I’m calling bull.

I want a letter that grabs my attention, and drags me out of this pit of cookie-cutter college honors and campus-describing adjectives. Want my attention? Tell me something worthwhile. Catch my eye with some humor for God’s sake! You have been so far removed from the mentality of a college-seeking teenager for such a long time, that you no longer remember how tedious and strenuous the search can be! Make me laugh, and you automatically have my interest.

I want to go somewhere that focuses on helping me develop as a person just as much as it focuses on helping me develop intellectually, and none of what you are sending me is helping me in the least. You are dehumanizing yourselves with the quizzes and honors and rhetorical questions that no student actually wants to answer “yes” to. It’s going to cost you.

So don’t send us what our parents want to hear, because (for most of us), we’re the ones who make the decision. Tell us who you are as a college, because that’s one thing none of you have done, and that’s the most important thing to consider.

Sincerely,

Nobody